


What's in a Name?

by Stella_Malodi



Category: Original Work
Genre: Dialogue-Only, Doctor Who References, F/M, Fluff, Meet-Cute, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-18
Updated: 2016-08-18
Packaged: 2018-08-09 11:47:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7800658
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stella_Malodi/pseuds/Stella_Malodi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What's a girl to do when she runs into a celebrity look-alike?</p>
<hr/>
<p>“You know, when you said we were going on a picnic, I thought you meant at a park. You know, in town. Not two hours away in the middle of nowhere. If you turn out to be a creepy murder-person, I’m going to be really mad at you.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	What's in a Name?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, all! Uh, sorry I disappeared, and I'm not _really_ back yet, but... yeah. There was a depression thing. And then I switched fandoms. I'm swinging back into Darcyland now, but I'm out of the habit of writing regularly, and I'm low on ideas, so it might be a while before I add anything to the Silly Words series.
> 
> ANYWAY. So, this story. I wrote it for Bartleby Snopes' [Eighth Annual Dialogue-Only Contest](http://www.bartlebysnopes.com/contests.htm), but it was rejected. 90% sure that's because it's romantic fluff. But, uh, if you write literature-type stuff (and if you're reading this before September 15, 2016), you should check it out. (I'm fully aware that my stuff is not literature, so I'm not that surprised they didn't like it. I just wish there was another dialogue-only contest out there, because I had a lot of fun writing this. It kind of reminds me of writing narrative poetry—just, the challenge of telling a story within a strict set of rules.)
> 
> Well, I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it!

“Oh, man, I am _so_ sorry! I can’t believe I just—wait. Holy crap, you’re William Holme!”

“Uh, no, actually. I get that all the time, but no. I’m just a look-alike.”

“Oh, right. Sorry. Uh, at least it’s a flattering mistake, right? Because he’s, like, _super_ hot, and you’re also… Anyway, I’m going to stop talking now. Uh, sorry about your coffee.”

“It’s fine. I wasn’t... looking where I was going.”

“Are you… Are you _laughing_ at me?”

“No, definitely not. Why would you think that?”

“And here I was, feeling terrible about spilling your coffee. I was even going to buy you another one, but I’m not sure if I want to now.”

“In that case, maybe _I_ should buy.”

“Wait, really? Are you asking me on a date, Not-William Holme? A coffee date?”

“Sure. Why not? I’m… Jacob, by the way. Jacob Henderson.”

“Nice running into you, Jacob. I’m Danica Faust.”

 

* * *

 

“Hello?”

“Hello, Danica, this is Jake.”

“Oh! Hey, Jake. What’s up?”

“Not much. Life, the universe, and everything is pretty forty-two at the moment.”

“Did you just—? Okay, that’s it. You are officially my favorite.”

“I am, am I?”

“Yes, yes you are. I’ll get you a trophy or a sticker or something. The world should really know that you, Jacob Henderson, are my favorite.”

“I’d rather they didn’t.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Listen, I was just wondering… uh, are you free this Friday?”

“For my new favorite person? I think I can probably clear a spot in my _super_ -busy schedule.”

 

* * *

 

“You know, when you said we were going on a picnic, I thought you meant at a park. You know, in town. Not two hours away in the middle of nowhere. If you turn out to be a creepy murder-person, I’m going to be really mad at you.”

“I’m not, I promise. I just don’t like going out in public.”

“Not a fan of crowds?”

“Not really, no.”

“Well, okay. But seriously, warn a girl next time. Also, I’m texting my sister now, so, you know, if you do turn out to be a creepy murder-person, someone knows where I am and who I’m with.”

“Do you have a habit of dating creepy murderers, then?”

“Ha. No. But, well, it’s like the Vashta Nerada on Doctor Who: ‘not _every_ shadow, but _any_ shadow.’ So.”

“Ah. I’ve never watched Doctor Who, but—”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes?”

“Oh, you poor thing. We’re going to fix that. Then you, too, can cry whenever someone mentions roses and beaches in the same sentence.”

“O...kay?”

“Rule one: don’t wander off. Rule two: _don’t skip Nine.”_

“I’m going to regret this, aren’t I?”

“Yep. But It’s going to be fantastic.”

 

* * *

 

“I hated that episode.”

“ _Everyone_ hates that episode.”

“It’s just… he _left_ them! I mean, I know that he _had_ to save her, because she was historically important and everything, but—”

“I know.”

“And he’d _just_ promised Rose that he wouldn’t!”

“I _know_.”

“And he kissed her! That—you don’t just go around kissing people when there’s someone you’re _completely_ in love with! And he—mph!”

“...have I ever told you that I kind of love it when you rant with all the outrage of a fanboy?”

“No, but I’ll be sure to do it more often if _that’s_ what happens.”

“You’re my favorite. A lot.”

“And you’re _my_ favorite.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.”

 

* * *

 

“Jake! Jake, Jake, Jake. You know, I don’t really like that name, ‘Jake,’ but I like you anyway. Jacob. Jake Jacob Henderson.”

“Dani? Do you even _know_ what time it is?”

“Nope! Oh, but guess what!”

“...what?”

“I’m _drunk!_ Pretty crazy, right? I’ve never been _drunk_ before. I didn’t really want to, because… because drunk people are, like, _super_ annoying, you know?”

“Dani, where—”

“But then my friend was like, ‘Dani. Dani, it’s _my_ party and…’ Uh… And… something. I don’t remember. What was I saying? Oh, right, my friend Sharon said I should get drunk because it was _her_ party and she wanted me to. Which is dumb. But I did it anyway, so I guess that makes _me_ dumb. Dumb Dani. Dumb _Drunk_ Dani. Dumb, Drunk, Ditzy—”

“Danica, _where are you?_ I’ll come get you.”

“You will? Really? That’s… that’s… That’s so sweet! _You’re_ sweet. You’re… you’re my very, very favorite! You’re just… you’re so great, and so _you_ and… and it’s just so wonderful, and you know what? I love you.”

“Dani—”

“No, listen, I _do_. I’m not supposed to tell you, because we’ve only been dating for a few months—Sharon says I’ll scare you off, but I just… I just love everything about you and… and… oh. I… I don’t feel so good.”

“Dani, honey? Go find a bathroom. And tell me where you are so I can get you home.”

“Yeah, okay. Bye.”

“No, don’t hang—”

 

* * *

 

“You still haven’t told her?”

“No.”

“It’s been four months.”

“I know.”

“This isn’t going to last. To be honest, it’s a miracle you’ve managed to keep things secret for this long.”

“You don’t have to tell _me_ that.”

“What are you going to do?”

“Tell her, I guess. I don’t know how she’ll react, but...”

“Better that she hear it from you than from them?”

“Right.”

 

* * *

 

“Hey, Dani?”

“What?”

“There’s something I need to—”

“Hang on—do you smell smoke? What time is… crap! I forgot to set the timer again!”

“So, I guess we’re having pizza?”

“Ooh, yes! Pizza is the best part about accidentally burning dinner.”

“Again.”

“You know what? Next time, _you_ can cook.”

 

* * *

 

“I’m not sure I can be fangirl-friends with Angela anymore.”

“What happened? Did she trash talk one of your ships?”

“Worse. She ships one of my NoTPs.”

“How dare she.”

“I know, right? How am I supposed to trust her when I know we don’t have the same opinions on which fictional characters should and should not be together!”

“Because everyone is absolutely identical and thinks exactly the same way.”

“I love how you always back me up. Oh, speaking of which, how’s Georgia?”

“How is that ‘speaking of which?’”

“It’s not, I just suck at transitioning between subjects. So… how’s Georgia?”

“Humid. Very, very humid.”

“No! Humid? In Georgia? Someone call a reporter, quick!”

“Our top news story tonight: the weather in Georgia is typical of that area.”

“What is the world coming to?”

“The end of its lunch break, unfortunately.”

“Yeah, I need to go, too. I’ll talk to you later?”

“Yeah, sure. Uh…”

“What’s wrong?”

“There’s… there’s something I need to tell you.”

“Okay…”

“Not now—I don’t have time, and I’d rather tell you in person, anyway.”

“Okay… Uh, you’re not breaking up with me, right? And you’re not, like, secretly married or something?”

“What? No! Nothing like that, it’s just… there’s something you need to know about me, and you might not want—what?”

“What is it?”

“Sorry, I have to go. They’re ready for me.”

“Wha _—Who’s_ ready for you? Jake? _Jake?”_

 

* * *

 

“Danica!”

“How did you meet him?”

“Look over here, Danica!”

“Nice big smile, Danica!”

“When did the two of you start dating?”

“Danica!”

“Over here, Danica!”

“Tell us, Danica, how did you manage to catch the eye of _William Holme_?”

 

* * *

 

“Alright, take five, people. And Will, answer your damn phone. It’s been buzzing off and on for half an hour.”

“Girlfriend or mother, do you think?”

“Calling over and over? _Definitely_ girlfriend.”

“Come on, you guys, gimme some privacy. _Twenty-seven_ missed calls? ...Hello? Danica? Is something wro—”

“Would you happen to know anything about why the paparazzi thinks I’m dating William Holme?”

“...uh, remember that thing I was going to tell you when I got home?”

“Jacob—oh, wait. I’m sorry, I meant _William_ —we’ve been dating for almost _six months_. It’s a little bit late for ‘oh, by the way, you know how you thought I was a famous actor when we met? Well, guess what? You were right! Surprise!’”

“I know, Danica, believe me, I know. I’m sorry. I just… I didn’t expect for this to happen.”

“You didn’t expect me to find out? Didn’t expect the paparazzi to ambush me?”

“No, I just didn’t expect—look, when I first asked you out, I didn’t think it would be anything serious. I didn’t—I just wanted to date a nice girl without having to wonder if she was going to tell the paparazzi about it, without wondering if it was even _me_ she was interested in. I’m sorry I lied to you, Danica, I _am_ , but by the time I realized I needed to tell you the truth, I didn’t know how!”

“You didn’t know—you just _talk_ to me! You communicate! You act like an adult in an adult relationship! You _trust_ me!”

“I did! I do! It—it wasn’t that I thought you’d go to the press or anything—”

“But you didn’t trust me not to leave.”

“...”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought. Look, this… this isn’t okay. You and me? We are _not_ okay right now. But I like you too much to just give up. So… we’ll work it out.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. Hey, I have to go, but I’ll talk to you later, Ja—Will.”

“Bye, Dani.”

“Wow. And I thought _I_ was a method actor.”

“Shut up.”

“Will, your life is _literally_ a romantic comedy right now.”

“Really? And here I thought it was a western.”

“Ooh, sarcasm! That’s original!”

“Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Dr. Horrible. At least _I’m_ not the wacky sidekick.”

 

* * *

 

“Well, the good news is that I’m no longer a naive idiot who didn’t know a celebrity when she saw one.”

“Have I mentioned lately how sorry I still am about that?”

“Plenty. Don’t worry; we’re good. Anyway, the _bad_ news is that now I’m only dating you for your fame. Or possibly your fortune.”

“Oh? Then why am _I_ dating _you?”_

“They’re vaguer on that, but the general consensus is that I’ve beguiled you with my feminine wiles.”

“Well, you can be fairly beguiling.”

“It’s either that, or we’re just fake-dating to help your career. Oh, and a couple people suggested that I’m somehow blackmailing you into staying with me. Possibly via pregnancy, though they weren’t very clear on how, exactly, that would work.”

“Isn’t it obvious? If you were pregnant, I would have to marry you to save your reputation.”

“Ah, yes. For a moment there, I’d forgotten which era we were living in.”

“Speaking of which, I was promised a Doctor Who marathon.”

“Oh, I see how it is. You just want me for my collection of British television.”

“Curses! You’ve discovered my dastardly plan!”

“I feel so used.”

“How can I make it up to you?”

“Just say the magic words.”

“I can probably introduce you to David Tennant.”

“...not the words I was looking for, but they’ll do.”

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it! I have ideas for more scenes that I'll probably post—the contest had a 2000 word limit—so if there's anything you'd like to see, let me know!


End file.
